For many years now I have been giving my son personal cricket coaching. In addition to his 3hr training session with the rest of his team, I take him out to the cricket nets each week for another 3 hrs over 2 days.

For the first few years of coaching my son I noted that I was teaching him technical skills. With respect to batting I taught him about balance, momentum, timing, placement, feet movement, position, pitch, stillness of the head, getting behind the ball & adjustment. However, over the last two years he has struggled with confidence issues and social issues with some members of the team and the coach.

For the last year I have noted that my coaching has changed. I am no longer coaching him the technical elements of cricket, I am coaching him on the Dhamma. Understanding the Dhamma can only be achieved by making connections to practical applications in one’s own life. Cricket has become the instrument where we explore and understand the nature of phenomena together.

Coaching a teenage son can be very difficult. Often I feel like a medical practitioner that conducts treatment on his mind. The operation is difficult, the areas are very sensitive and there are a lot of emotions at play.  In our coaching sessions I have seen him untroubled, happy, completely dejected and at times enraged. I have seen him compassionate, generous and at other times ill willed and full of greed for equanimity. However, to see my son let go, drift freely and be without stress is the greatest reward. Together we explore why things happen, why it hurts so much, why we should continue to try our best and what he/we can do to stop the pain.

With cricket as an instrument he is developing critical life skills. He is learning right view as we explore each event in context to the Dhamma. He is learning right effort with the development of self-discipline, honesty and kindness to himself. He is learning right concentration with the development of staying in the moment and not straying into the past or the future. He is learning right mindfulness as we review events as they are; no more, no less. He is learning right action as he subdues his ill-willed aggression. He is learning right speech as refrains from stating things that are unfactual, untruthful, unbeneficial, undeceitful and unhurtful. He is learning right intention as he accepts each moment and then transforms ill-will to compassion and greed into generosity.

My teenage son is enormously gifted and more talented than I will ever be. We both know that our coaching sessions in the cricket nets only offer short term treatment. Long term treatment is a solo journey. The best I can do is equip him with the framework, cultivate the right home environment and foster the development skills. Some day there won’t be any more cricket coaching sessions, he will be all alone under pressure.

To my son, May you always be free of anger, hatred, fear and suffering. May you be well and happy.

It’s the now the new year and to welcome this event we celebrate. In my family we celebrate with an act of dana (ie. Giving or generosity). The best thing to give is food/nutrition to help one continue healthily on their path in pursuit of happiness. For the last two years my wife and I have celebrated by giving each other the nutrition of attending a meditation retreat at the beginning of each year.

Meditation and mindfulness is a priority for my family and we practice it daily. I’m continually developing the skills of effort, mindfulness, concentration and discernment. However, when attempting to develop a skill to a professional level one can no longer treat it as a part-time vocation or hobby. Developing a specific skill to a professional level requires a full-time commitment until that skill is productive.

A meditation retreat is a rare opportunity to develop those specific skills to a productive level. Note, there are many styles of meditation practice and as such there are a variety of meditation retreats. The retreats that my wife and I attend are specific to Insight Meditation where our greater families have known the monk for many years.

In such retreats we observe noble silence, practice sitting meditation, walking meditation, eating mindfully and mindfully observing the bodily hygiene functions. In this retreat the daily timetable was as follows:

Daily timetable

3:30 – 4:00 am	Rise and Shine
4:00 – 5:00 am	Walking Meditation
5:00 – 6:30 am	Sitting Meditation
6:30 – 7:30 am	Morning Dana (breakfast)
7:30 – 8:30 am	Personal Washing Time
8:30 – 9:30 am	Sitting Meditation
9:30 – 10:15 am	Walking Meditation
10:15 – 11:15 am	Sitting Meditation
11:15 – 1:00 pm	Dana (lunch) and Quiet Rest
1:00 – 1:45 pm	Dhamma Talk (English)
1:45 – 2:30 pm	Questions and Answers (English)
2:30 – 3:30 pm	Walking Meditation
3:30 – 4:00 pm	Tea Break
4:00 – 5:30 pm	Sitting Meditation
5:30 – 6:30 pm	Walking Meditation
6:30 – 7:30 pm	Optional Walking/Sitting Meditation
7:30 – 9:00 pm	Dhamma Talk (Sinhalese)
9:00 – 10:00 pm	Questions and Answers (Sinhalese)

  

We also observe sila (morality) through the following practices:

1. To refrain from taking life
2. To refrain from taking that which is not freely given (stealing)
3. To refrain from sexual misconduct (improper sexual behaviour)
4. To refrain from lying and deceiving
5. To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness.
6. To refrain from eating at the wrong time (by only eating from sunrise to noon, one ensures that all food eaten in a day is digested before nightfall)
7. To refrain from all entertainments and decorations (e.g., dancing, wearing jewellery, watching movies, going to shows, etc. This especially includes entertainments that bring the viewer's mind to sexual imagery)
8. To refrain from using a high, luxurious bed, or beds that provide extraneous softness or comfort

These retreats are an opportunity to let go of the baggage that we carry in daily life. We drive to a country farm away from home. When I park the car and remove the baggage from the trunk my wife becomes just another practitioner at the retreat. We enter the dinning hall to determine the location of our dormitory. I then go and unpack my few possessions in one of the men’s dormitories. I also setup my meditation stool and cushions in the mediation hall and then immediately start sitting meditation.

Last year my wife and I strictly followed the timetable, although I practice further sitting meditation or read Dhamma during the non-English sessions. Also like last year we briefly break the noble silence and telephone the kids after lunch each day. This year I regularly sat meditating for 1.5 – 2.5 hours in preference to walking meditation, tea break or personal wash time. Walking meditation is great for developing awareness but in this retreat I found myself deep in contemplation.

These retreats are excellent for the purpose of developing a specific skill. However, we must always remember the retreat is an artificial incubated environment. The purpose is to take those specific skills and practice them productively in daily life.

In this year’s retreat I gained many new insights. At times I was overwhelmed with joy with my progress or insights. However, the monk teacher would kindly remind me of my conceit and arrogance as I enthusiastically described my experiences in practice with him in a one-on-one consultation. Dissolving the ego is work in progress. I know I still have far to go but I take comfort in knowing “it’s getting better all the time, better, better, better! Getting so much better all the time”.

with metta ash

This article has been reverse engineered from Twitter. The main body of the article is an indirect dialogue between me and a good friend. The purpose of this article is to preserve the cohesive set of emotions and messages for the benefit of others that follow. My dear friend is not alone. We all have or will experience such pain.

Often we can’t see the forest through the trees. In these times we must learn to abstract ourselves as a bystander and look upon the landscape from a vantage point.

Contextual tweets:

Responding tweets:

Sometimes we get the opportunity to pause the process of life, rewind it and reflect on the journey to date.

This year I celebrated my 40th birthday, 15th year of marriage, my son winning a scholarship to a private school and my daughter winning the school’s public speaking competition. These milestones are just a few events in an entire lifetime of millions of unlabeled moments. After much contemplation we may see that these events are all part of the perfect system. I often marvel at how perfect this system is. A system that is so rich with detail, yet so simple in execution. A system orchestrated with precision, yet so often seemingly chaotic. The beauty of this system is only unveiled when we reverse engineer our life. Reverse engineering is a process where we start from here and now and reverse through each moment that is governed by cause and effect.

For me the process of reverse engineering is a time of celebration and joy at the transformation in my own life. By following the kammic chain of events I observe the amazing evolution of my spiritual journey. How does someone so obsessed with vanity, material wealth and sensuality change so dramatically over 20+ years? The answer is simple, just one moment at a time under the presence of cumulative forces. With each personal connection, with each experience in my life I was being taught dhamma. Only in years to come would I discover each lesson and the role that everyone played. As I reflect on each event a genuine compassion develops; compassion for my parents, my teachers, my relatives, my friends, my enemies, indifferent parties and animals that played their roles in this life. Then I contemplate what if this system is bigger than all that…?

What if, what I considered was the start was simply an arbitrary point on the rim of a circle? What if birth-life-death was cyclic? What if each life was no different to each breath that we breathe? What if like the breath, one life follows another and is influenced by the previous and the current conditions? What if we have persisted through many cosmic eons of lives? What if through these cosmic eons we have all been very deeply connected with one another? What if at some stage or another we have all been brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, partners and/or lovers of each other?  What if this system was the perfect holistic system?

At this point in my contemplation I am humbled. Suddenly I see glimpses of times that I have been selfish towards those in need. I see times when I did not treat someone as I would treat a family member. I see times when generosity was overtaken by greed.

At this moment I summon the courage and determination to make a change in the right direction before this life ends too. I vow to make the most of each day and be grateful for the connections with each other. I plan do that by living in the moment without the baggage of the past or expectations of the future.

If these days turned out nothing like you had planned, then may you develop the courage to make a change. May the New Year bring you all profit, prosperity, peace and happiness.

Comments are always welcome

Each weekday I wake up and 5:30am and meditate at home for an hour. I then travel to the office on public transport. There are several connections on my travel; I drive to the train station, ride a train to the city, ride a tram to a stop and then walk to the office. Throughout this travel I practice meditation and mindfulness; mindful driving, sitting meditation, walking meditation and mindfully waiting for a connection. Ideally, I would like to get in at least 3hrs of uninterrupted practice a day. At the moment I am falling short of that motivation, but that is OK.

For some time I have seen my life as an array of examinations for the various periods in my life. Each examination includes a bank of tests, one for each mind moment. I seem to transition through periods in my life only once I have passed the examination. My current examination is challenging and validating all that I have learned previously…

Rather than describe the complexities of my situation with the technicalities of my work, I will use a metaphor instead. Imagine being part of a pilgrimage traveling on a train to a destination with 150 other new devotees. Imagine being an expert guide on this trip having done it repeatedly over the last 20 years. Imagine knowing all the many sites/checkpoints along the way. Imagine knowing the landscape, the sound of the train on the tracks and the sounds of each passing village. Imagine knowing the intensity of the train track bends, the smells from the brakes, clutch, burning coal and passing villages. Imagine knowing that so many things in this pilgrimage are going wrong. Things don’t look right, smell right, feel right, taste right, sound right; the whole timing is out of phase. You know all the signs and can foresee an inevitable crash with causalities. Your fellow travelers are a little suspicious but mostly blissfully ignorant. What do you do? Do you pull the emergency lever in the train and cause panic? Do you try to calmly educate those around you of the issues, risks, missed checkpoints and accept the management not listening? Do you get off the train and wish the pilgrims the very best. Or do you continue the journey and try to enjoy your time with the fellow travelers?

I have been on that pilgrimage for 1 month now. I am constantly being tested. My years of meditation practice have given me heightened sensitivity to my body and my mind. I feel currents of aversion within.

Yesterday I left work early to take my son to his cricket game. The train and tram was running late. I remained mindful and at peace. I knew I wouldn’t get to my son in time so I made other arrangements. I decided to drive to my daughter’s piano teacher’s house so that after the lesson we could go as a family in one car to the cricket game. I sat in the car and meditating waiting for my wife & daughter. The piano teacher decided to give my daughter a bonus lesson. Again I remained mindful and at peace, although I knew how late I would be. I drove mindfully to the cricket game in peak hour traffic. As I parked the car I saw my son bowling (like pitching). I knew how hard he has been practicing trying to prove himself to the coach. I coach my son a lot and he has really developed his bowling technique and rhythm and can deliver good pace. He was using a short run up, his rhythm was off and he was floating his deliveries in. The aversive current inside me increased. During games I only offer guidance if he requests it. I strolled around the field to catch him before his next over (next attempt at pitching). I said “Why aren’t you bowling faster”? He didn’t answer. I knew something was wrong, his confidence was low. For his next few overs (times at pitching) I watched him fractionally increase his run up but his rhythm was never there.

After the cricket we went to Hungry Jacks (aka Burger King) for dinner. I was now mindfully out of my range. I ate the new Double Angry Angus burger. It was good and filling! I then ate chips. I was considering getting an ice cream. Yes, that's right, I was feeling reckless. When we arrived home we watched Santa Clause 2. I know what you are thinking; was there sex, drugs and rock n' roll? No not quite, but is there really much difference? The point is that I mindfully let myself get out of range. The aversive current was too much and I wanted relief. I wanted a stimulant that numbed the stress.

This morning I awoke grateful for the lesson. I was grateful for the opportunity to see how a chain of events (this, then that) broke me. I woke, not with sadness, but with a smile. I know that last night I was out played by the ego but in time I will be able to control this aversive current in such conditions.

The tests we pass only offer validation, the tests we fail are the opportunity to progress.

May all beings be well and happy. May they be free of anger, hatred, fear and suffering. May they be well and happy.

In "The tipping point” I described how the four right exertions get suppressed when I experience a series of my attachments in quick succession. So what are these attachments and how do they make me feel?

The attachment that causes me the greatest conflict at the moment is desire for quality outcomes. As an enterprise architect and strategist I was contracted by a publisher to help them implement their digital solution. When I arrived I reviewed the materials that another consultancy had produced. The other consultancy had completed the stakeholder interviews and identified some market forces. I waited patiently for the other consultancy to document the business requirements, business constraints and the market considerations. After a week of validation with business stakeholders and with no  documentation forthcoming, I proceeded to develop a digital strategy. I applied architecture principles and completed a business process re-engineering exercise. I had models that were taking shape and I was given the opportunity to walk through the strategy with the CEO in three, two-hour meetings. What I described was a complete ecosystem; a complete embracement of technology platforms, partnerships, social networks and markets. The sell was easy, and the CEO was getting high on the vision until the last meeting. What happened? Wasn't the strategy near fool-proof? What went wrong? The answer was timing. The CEO had already over committed down a path with the other consultancy who finally released their strategy and specifications. With a tight delivery time frame it was too late to change course. Now I must accept the situation. I must learn to let it all go and not carry any baggage into each work task and meeting.

Another related attachment is the desire to work with professionals that produce quality deliverables. Working on this project with the other consultancy has really tested me. The deliverables produced by this consultancy are simply poor quality. The consultancy has worked on this project for over 6 months and they offered the customer a little more content than a bare template. Can't I improve the documentation quality? Why does this hurt me? This hurts me because I see the customer getting ripped off. The customer has a very limited internal IT skill set and entrusted experts to do a professional job. There is no time for me to get the documentation up to an acceptable level of quality prior to Request For Proposal (RFP). Now I must accept the situation. I must learn to let it all go and continue to work towards the best outcome for the customer.

At the office I am calm and accepting of the situation. I work positively with the team to keep the project moving forward. The lens' that cover my sense media is functional and not broken. The guard and abandonment of unskillful properties is mostly present. However, I am mindful of an undercurrent of aversion within. Should I experience another attachment related to greed or hatred (eg. Road rage or lack of common courtesy) then the tipping point is reached and the lens breaks. When the lens breaks, although mindfulness is present, skillful qualities are less valued.

Why do I struggle to let go? Because I have a large ego. I have put this ego up on a pedestal for many years. I have bathed it in the profit and prosperity of a highly successful IT career. The ego is versed in the arts of conventions, standards, principals, practices and ideals. The ego is the cause of all stress.

With each step that I take looking through broken glass I experience stress. With each stressful step dispassion grows. As the dispassion grows I adjust the lens in the pursuit of happiness.

In the previous “The pursuit of Happyness” article I described an experiment that I conducted in a controlled environment. In that time I crafted a set of lenses that flattened out the highs and lows in life; I was at peace and at ease. My path now is to return back to the commercial world and refine those lenses to work under all conditions. Refining these lenses is a non-trivial process. Each lens wraps each of the six sense media. The lenses are governed by the four right exertions:

1. guard against unskillful qualities
2. abandon unskillful qualities
3. develop skillful qualities
4. maintain skillful qualities

The process of calibrating the lenses takes time; it requires patience and a good deal of acceptance. Each and every experience in our life is the result of the contact with a composition of the five aggregates. The five aggregates are form, feeling, perception, mental fabrication and consciousness. With each experience lies a test and the lens’ boundary conditions get exercised.

In a controlled environment the conditions are well, controlled (ie. constrained, serial in nature, orchestrated or timed). In the commercial world the conditions are chaotic (ie. unconstrained, synchronous/concurrent, amplified and viral).

Since returning back to consulting I have been reacquainted with my old friends, namely political agenda, greed, desire, and aversion. I have been wearing the lenses at all times, so I am left with the question of “from where did these characters return?” It turns out that I never fully dissolved these characters from my ego. Many characters have evacuated my mind knowing that there is little to feed their hunger. However, many characters lay dormant waiting patiently for the tipping point. The tipping point for me occurs in the commercial world when a number of my attachments combine in quick succession. At this moment the four right exertions that govern the lenses are silenced. Mindfulness is still present but skillful diversion of the flow of the mind from its habitual kammic stream requires strength that is difficult to summon.

In the last month I have broken or shattered many lenses. Once the tipping point is reached the guard for the sense media is dropped. The attitudes of expect nothing, pace yourself, accept everything, let go, be gentle and note similarities starts to get compromised. Soon the mind entertains unskillful qualities and defers the development and maintenance of skillful qualities. A good example of this is eating. When I eat mindfully my mind monitors for the state of relief from hunger. When that relief state is reached, the mind notes that I should stop eating. However, in those times when the tipping point is reached, I would mindlessly feed myself until the mind notes rejection of food.

After contemplation I no longer think that the controlled environment and the commercial world are vastly different. After all, at the atomic level all phenomena is experienced serially.

Therefore, as I approach the tipping point I just need to learn to slow things down and deal with conflicts one at a time to shape and free the mind.

The other night I watched a movie with the wife and the kids. The movie was “The Pursuit of Happyness” starting Will Smith. My wife and I saw the movie in the cinema on release, but sitting with the kids gave me a different viewing experience.

In our family we share stories of the ups and downs in life. For many years my wife and kids would secretly celebrate every time I made an error. It took a while to accept that I had become just like my father; a perfectionist. My kids and wife emulated that implicit bond that my brother, sister and mum once shared.

A few years ago I decided to change things. I started sharing stories of my failures, my errors in judgment and those moments of enormous anxiety and pain. I decided that from now on I will share those failures with the family in real-time.

Life is a series of ups and downs due to our perception. Often the ratio of ups/down is disproportionate leaving us dissatisfied. But what if we changed the lenses from which we view the world?

What if we could let go of our ideals, let go of our expectations on ourselves and everyone else? What if we were gentle with ourselves and others, paced ourselves, and was accepting of all that happened whilst always trying our best?

What if we could change our behavior and practice this attitude for 1 hour? What if we could practice this attitude for 1 day? What about 1 week? What would we discover?

I undertook this challenge some time ago. I conducted this experiment in a controlled environment with my family and a few friends. What I found was that life plateaus out. You don’t really celebrate the highs or commiserate the lows. Like a bystander you watch it all go by.

In my experience happiness is transient or an impermanent state. In this experiment I noted that I stopped feeling stress and pain. Therefore, if it’s not stress or pain; is it happiness? The answer was clearly no because I was able to persist in that state for long periods of time. It may not be it, but it is the only thing that I have tasted that is close to lasting happiness and peace.

So by changing the lenses of perception via our attitude we can strike a balance in life. We can walk a healthier path, a path directed to the pursuit of happiness.

Comments are always welcome.

In the previous “Rubbernecking our way to further stress” article I subtly introduced the topic of right view. In this article I will define right and explore it further.

“Right view is to see and to understand things as they really are and to realise the Four Noble Truth. As such, right view is the cognitive aspect of wisdom. It means to see things through, to grasp the impermanent and imperfect nature of worldly objects and ideas, and to understand the law of karma and karmic conditioning. Right view is not necessarily an intellectual capacity, just as wisdom is not just a matter of intelligence. Instead, right view is attained, sustained, and enhanced through all capacities of mind. It begins with the intuitive insight that all beings are subject to suffering and it ends with complete understanding of the true nature of all things. Since our view of the world forms our thoughts and our actions, right view yields right thoughts and right actions.”[1]

A few months ago a follower made a connection with me on Twitter. Over the course of time this follower has grown to be one of my closest Twitter friends. However, it was not until very recently did I gain some insight had it not been for a change by the follower. Let me explain…

Whilst I have known the follower for some time I have only known the alias name, the interest in mindfulness and a photo. For me the photo was blurred with a contrasting background. In the photo I see the follower wearing a garment similar to a robe. The robe and its color arises a pleasant feeling for me. I perceive the robe to be worn by one who is wholesome. Then, whenever the follower tweets, I note the pleasant feeling, the wholesome perception, and the generous and/or compassionate intent in a possible reply.

Then a few weeks ago the follower changed their Twitter picture. It completely threw me. The new picture had characters from a foreign language. The picture was syntax but it had no semantics; it was pleasant with a soft colored background. For weeks on end I was accustom to following the same logical process reviewing the follower’s tweets. However, now the process was following a different path.

At that very moment I stopped, closed my eyes and contemplated the process. I asked myself: Has the follower changed? No. Have I changed or the way I view things changed? No. Then what has changed? A picture representing the follower has changed. How then has this picture affected my connection with the follower? The pleasant feeling that arose is now gone. The feeling is now neutral. The intent is still one of generosity and compassion but the attachment is missing. Suddenly I was overcome by a sense of freedom. I was given a glimpse of how to skillfully look through one’s eyes. It is all just form that rises and passes. The form has syntax, but the semantics was added by the ego.

Dear follower, thank you for this lesson. With metta Ash.

Comments are always welcome.

Reference:
1 - http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/eightfoldpath.html