Looking through broken glass

posted Dec 9, 2009, 3:12 AM by ash ‎(evermindful)‎   [ updated Dec 9, 2009, 3:38 AM ]
In "The tipping point” I described how the four right exertions get suppressed when I experience a series of my attachments in quick succession. So what are these attachments and how do they make me feel?

The attachment that causes me the greatest conflict at the moment is desire for quality outcomes. As an enterprise architect and strategist I was contracted by a publisher to help them implement their digital solution. When I arrived I reviewed the materials that another consultancy had produced. The other consultancy had completed the stakeholder interviews and identified some market forces. I waited patiently for the other consultancy to document the business requirements, business constraints and the market considerations. After a week of validation with business stakeholders and with no  documentation forthcoming, I proceeded to develop a digital strategy. I applied architecture principles and completed a business process re-engineering exercise. I had models that were taking shape and I was given the opportunity to walk through the strategy with the CEO in three, two-hour meetings. What I described was a complete ecosystem; a complete embracement of technology platforms, partnerships, social networks and markets. The sell was easy, and the CEO was getting high on the vision until the last meeting. What happened? Wasn't the strategy near fool-proof? What went wrong? The answer was timing. The CEO had already over committed down a path with the other consultancy who finally released their strategy and specifications. With a tight delivery time frame it was too late to change course. Now I must accept the situation. I must learn to let it all go and not carry any baggage into each work task and meeting.

Another related attachment is the desire to work with professionals that produce quality deliverables. Working on this project with the other consultancy has really tested me. The deliverables produced by this consultancy are simply poor quality. The consultancy has worked on this project for over 6 months and they offered the customer a little more content than a bare template. Can't I improve the documentation quality? Why does this hurt me? This hurts me because I see the customer getting ripped off. The customer has a very limited internal IT skill set and entrusted experts to do a professional job. There is no time for me to get the documentation up to an acceptable level of quality prior to Request For Proposal (RFP). Now I must accept the situation. I must learn to let it all go and continue to work towards the best outcome for the customer.

At the office I am calm and accepting of the situation. I work positively with the team to keep the project moving forward. The lens' that cover my sense media is functional and not broken. The guard and abandonment of unskillful properties is mostly present. However, I am mindful of an undercurrent of aversion within. Should I experience another attachment related to greed or hatred (eg. Road rage or lack of common courtesy) then the tipping point is reached and the lens breaks. When the lens breaks, although mindfulness is present, skillful qualities are less valued.

Why do I struggle to let go? Because I have a large ego. I have put this ego up on a pedestal for many years. I have bathed it in the profit and prosperity of a highly successful IT career. The ego is versed in the arts of conventions, standards, principals, practices and ideals. The ego is the cause of all stress.

With each step that I take looking through broken glass I experience stress. With each stressful step dispassion grows. As the dispassion grows I adjust the lens in the pursuit of happiness.